Why I Want To Be An Elf And/Or Cyborg

Yes, I really am that much of a nerd, and I'm afraid you're going to have to deal with it. Anyway, the reason I want to be a (tolkienesque, not keebler) elf and/or cyborg is not just because of the cool powers and acrobatic ability they entail. The reason? Age. I feel old. I realize having a quarter-life crisis is an incredibly pretentious thing to do, but really, there isn't that much I do that isn't unintentionally pretentious anyway. I'm a blog-writing pescatarian philosophy major who loves indie music and eats organic whole wheat french toast at least once a week, so I'm way past the point of no return anyway. I might as well enjoy this existential mire while I can.

I'm fucking 20. That's ooold.

And really, I don't mind getting old so much. I've always felt as old as time itself while growing up, being a naturally mellow, rational and contemplative person (the one way I actually do resemble an elf). I get the sense that age is going to suit me well. What bothers me is that I've never had a chance to be young. I mean, I guess it's not that bad, I still have ten years or so of still mattering to marketers, and if those ten years last as long as the last ten have, then I still have a lot of time left for living. And one of the perks of having grown up in the third world is the perspective it gives you (though one of the most surreal and stupid emotions a person can experience, besides love, is feeling guilty about not being as happy as you should be).

Thankfully, I tend to respond to regret by looking to the future instead of pining over the past, unless I think unearthing something about my past will help me fix something about myself. The problem with that is that the more regret I feel, the more workaholic it makes me. And the problem with that is that diligence, discipline and passion are great for accomplishing most things, but they're sorely inadequate when you're trying to figure out how to have fun and talk to people- two skills that still elude me, though on the bright side, not as much as they have before. That said, I'm gonna get back to working out, desperately reading classics to compensate for one of the many ways in which I've wasted my youth, and doing my fall reading so I actually have time to hang out with people once they're actually around.